December 2010
holiday-themed posts: can't stop won't stop.
My New Year’s Resolution, y’all:
be more like Thomas Frank.
My new year's resolution workout regime, y'all:
Drinking High Life while walking on a treadmill in a Stevie Nicks costume. And I won’t listen to my “iPod” anymore when I’m exercising— I will insist on having a mulleted guitar prodigy serenade me.
my new year's outfit, y'all
Been working out really hard to look good in it. Especially my triceps— lifting a cigarette to my mouth gave them crazy definition.
shut-in book coma bb never
(Really surprising that I’m reading this, right?)
and the “pièce de résistance” of the Christmas book haul:
Yessssss.
You invented punk
I would know, I was there.
"Give yourself a present you've probably wanted...
New life ambition: writing ad copy.
quick, somebody turn this into a blingee.
I have too much time on my hands. And you know what they say about idle hands leading to chronic, pathological masturbation.
Jstor, what bounty you bestow:
lololololololoololol. Is this person furreal?
Endless Complaints
If I don’t get off this continent soon, I’m going to fucking scream.
Overseas:
1. Overconsumption as a “lifestyle” disease? Present but far less prevalent.
2. Things are only as big as they need to be.
3. “Wedding Culture” does not exist (or if it does, it’s on a FAR smaller scale.)
4. Storage locker facilities are certainly not encouraged (if you...
Want $$$
for to purchase art:
and a place to put it:
Preferably in Kreuzberg.
maybe i should chug flu medicine more often
(in my defense, when you almost vom into a carefully-placed planter at the Square One Mall while attempting to Christmas shop, you’d think that was a reasonable way to quell symptoms too).
Dear You,
Please cease and desist use of empty “signifiers” of “glamour” (I cite: cigarettes, ripped tights, hastily applied lipstick and/or rouge, etc. etc.) Please use uR creative energy towards more productive ends than reblogging a million lo-fi photographs of dead-eyed suburbanites rolling around in the fields behind their old elementary schools (next to Super Stop ‘n...
Keyboard Cat Sluts
This cat would use a fucking Marshall.
Groupies include:
, , and
holyfuck
Barnes and Noble did not have the book I was looking for to write a paper.
I went to Strand, figuring they might have a more inexpensive copy anyway.
I found a first edition version of it for $15.00.
Civilization and its Discontents. (c) 1930.
MERRY CHRISTMAS OLIVIA.
LOVE, THE UNIVERSE
1 Woche
unlimited
+
+
= so close.
One day, I will stop loving internet memes as much...
That day is not close at hand.
Oh man story of my life.
and the people on the sidewalk look like ants
Really, NYU Local? I expect better from you, even in a shitty “80 best things about ___________!” list. Modern journalism blows. Miss the “golden” age of yellow journalism so bad.
(haha c wut I did there? Yellow, gold=similar in hue)
I know how you feel, Unicow bro.
“I will.”
“HEY GUYS WAIT UP =(.”
vs.
NARWHAL VS. UNICOW
DIVORCED DAVID ARQUETTE VS. THE CAST OF TLC’S CELEBRITY LITTLE PERSON SHOW “SMALL FARMHANDS BIG UNIVERSE” (that was insensitive).
BABY DEER VS. MINIPIG
WHO WILL WIN HOLIDAY LONELYBRO SMACKDOWN 2K10?
Pretty tired of people calling me “cute” all the time.
Too soon?
Can’t wait for the the Eyjafjallajokull icelandic volcano ash fiasco fondue set.
When I hear "aggressive yet professional"
“”
This is what I think of:
Do the people writing ad copy even hear what they’re saying?
Is that...real human hair?
Even though it has serious implications for the future profit margins of the Wig/Weavemakers Guild of America…can’t wait until we’re all brains in jars.
BUT THEN WHO WILL BE A CONTESTANT ON BRIDALPLASTY? Wenn doch nur, mein basal ganglia würde nicht so fett.
whywhywhy
WHY DOES THIS MAN HAVE A PUBLISHING CONTRACT
(and who gave him one)
WHO WOULD TAKE ADVICE FROM THIS BRO
(the cut of his suit alone says used car salesman)
WHY DID BLEACHED PAPER HAVE TO BECOME THIS TOME’S PAGES?
(insert more unnecessary adjectives [+/-] overly verbose nouns here)
I will take this book as a dirge mourning the end of Western Civilization. Wait, in that...
Frothing at the Mouth
We’re so excited Tumblr is back.
You mean he's not dead yet?
Larry King is watching you fap.